Anew
by Asoomy
Summary: Shinichi explores the possibility of falling for Shiho after his break up with Ran. Kudo Shinichi x Miyano Shiho - Edogawa Conan x Haibara Ai


Author's note: this story serves as both a stand alone as well as a sequel to my other story 'Needs and desires'. The story is set a couple of years after the conclusion of the Black Organization storyline. Shinichi now has his own detective agency while Shiho works as a scientist. This story is set to be a two-shot. If you like it please check out my other ShinxShi, ConxAi fanfics.

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 **Anew**

Chapter one

The ringing of the bell awakens me from my slumber. My eyelids feel heavy and my face numb. I don't manage to move my sleep deprived body for a while, electing to mentally wish the ringing away. Through half open eyes, and under the support of my fatigued arms I manage to sit up on the bed. As my vision clears up, the familiar surroundings take their shape. My weary eyes finally managing to crack open. I find myself endlessly yawning.

The bell sounds once again. I roll out of the bed and land uneasily on to the cold floor. I find myself quickly pulling away from the cold ground and up to my feet. I stumble out the door and throughout the apartment before I reach the front door. It rings once again.

I open the door with the most poisonous look I can muster. He faces me with an amused look on his face, "Umm, good morning?" he says. I continue my relentless stare down which unsettles him further. "It's eleven o'clock," he says, almost in defence.

"It's Saturday," I respond, not bothering to hide my agitation.

He stands in place staring back at me with amusement. I realize I'm usually more punctual than this, although it has been a rather long week. "So, umm it's kind of cold out here and it'd be nice to talk inside," he says.

I step back into the apartment, not really inviting him in nor pushing him away. He has been visiting me a lot more than usual recently. As great as that sounds, it's also somewhat concerning, because although I enjoy seeing him everyday he has seemed different as of late. I decided not to question him about it, hoping that he would bring it up first. I have still remained worried nonetheless.

I move to attain my daily dose of caffeine from the kitchen. I sit down with my cup of coffee on the table, "What do you want?" I ask him.

He sits opposite of me and smiles, "Well I'm attending this ball tomorrow, you know for a case, it's a good chance for me to do some undercover work. Anyway, I was hoping that you'd be my plus one," he says.

I allow myself a long chug of coffee before I look back at him, "are you saying you woke me up this early on a Saturday to ask me that?" my voice laced with feigned irritation. He smiles nervously back at me and nods in confirmation. "Answer me this, why are you asking me and not your girlfriend? Surely that would have made more sense."

"Well I could really use your insight and intellect. I can also rely on you if things start going the wrong way. Besides, it would be kind of awkward to ask Ran to come with me..." he trails off, looking away from me.

"Of course it would, what's more awkward than taking your girlfriend out to a dance?" I ask him in my favourite sarcastic tone.

"Nothing. Yet, it is extremely awkward to ask your ex-girlfriend out to a dance," he says quietly.

It takes me a while to register what he said. I find myself running though all the different interpretations of what he just told me, certain that I have misunderstood him completely. My struggle to form coherent thoughts is evident in my inability to form a response. After a few failed attempts at articulating a retort I manage to ask, "what?".

His face twists in awkwardness, "Ran and I broke up," he tells me.

Again I fail to comprehend his words. Again I find myself looking for an alternate definition, one with a more logical explanation. As tired as I was, I suddenly find myself fully alert and at full capabilities, the uneasiness I feel forcing me into focus. "That's funny," I say unable to mask the hoarseness of my voice.

"I don't think funny is the right word but okay," he smiles softly.

"Are you serious?" I ask.

"Yes."

The air freezes around me. The coffee in between my hands loses its warmth in an instant. My eyes lock into his, desperately searching for a hint of a lie that does not show. Slowly, my confusion turns into anger. I feel my hands grip tight into the cup. My heels dig into the ground beneath me. "What the hell did you do?" I question him with anger in my tone.

He recoils back in his chair, "why would you think that I did something?" he responds.

"Because only someone as stupid as you are would throw away their life like that!" my outburst stuns him for a moment, stuns me, too.

"It was her decision," he begins, "she thought that we just aren't meant to be. Said that we both wanted and needed different things. That we basically don't and shouldn't belong together," the hurt in his voice is clear does not escape my notice. He continues before I manage to formulate a response, "she told me that no matter how much I love her and no matter how much she loves me, at the end I am only ever going to end up hurting her and she will always end up hurting me"

None of this makes sense to me. For so long they have been the definition of fate, never succumbing to the many obstacles that life threw in their direction. "Why? What happened? What changed her mind? Why did you not fight her over it? Why the hell did you let her go?" I can't stop the flood of questions in my head from being freed.

"It doesn't matter anymore. It's already done," his eyed tell a larger story. And I refuse to let up.

"Why?"

"You don't have to worry about that," he says reassuringly.

"Kudo, why?" I press on. He says nothing. "Shinichi, why?" I ask again, this time with the comforting tone that has always seemed to be reserved solely for him. He shifts uncomfortably in his chair before speaking.

"Because she believed that our love wasn't meant to last. Because she believed that we were better off on our own. That maybe our relationship was stopping me from becoming the man I need to become. That maybe I would be better off with someone else. Someone who I truly need and someone who truly needs me. Someone that I can trust and rely on when I'm in need and someone who can pick me back up when I'm down. A person who can be my friend, my partner, my rival and my love. She believed that that person was not her," his voice is low and rough, "she believed that person was you."

My heart pounds faster than it ever has. That's not me. It can't be me. That has always been her. As much as I have always longed for it to be me, it can never be. Right? I force any thoughts of hope out of my head in an instant. I can't be the reason for his unhappiness, not again. I can not allow myself the selfishness to hope for my fantasy to become reality. Right? Above anything else, his happiness is what I long for, and his happiness has always lied with her.

"You don't love me," I tell him, "we both know that. We both know that you will only ever love her. Why didn't you tell her that?" I can't bring myself to hold his gaze.

"I did tell her, it was the first thing I said," the saddest of smiles itches its way into my face, "she asked me to consider it nonetheless, consider whether I would ever fall for you. She asked me to think about it for a month and see how I feel about it then,"

I manage to feign a composed state, "then there's no problem, just tell her the same thing in a month and I'm sure you'll be fine. I'll talk to her, too. So don't worry about it."

A soft chuckle escapes his lips. A hint of a blush flashes across his face. "Yesterday was kind of supposed to be the deadline and umm I didn't really have time to meet up with her so…" My bewilderment stands in the way of formulating a thought. My mind shifts into a state of complete confusion that is perfectly complemented by the amused expression on his face. My helpless expression eggs him on.

"I've always known that you were special to me. You have always been different than anyone else and the way I feel about you is not the same way I feel about anyone else. I could never really place that feeling, and the closer we became the stronger that feeling grew. For a while now, you have given me a sense of security. You are the assurance that no matter how bad things may get, I will always have someone to turn to. Before I realized it, I found myself needing you more and more and I found myself desperate to be there for you every single time you needed me. In a very short amount of time, we became almost inseparable and that has always fascinated me."

He never allows me the opportunity to digest what he's saying before he continues.

"I don't feel about you the same way I feel about Ran, but whose to say which of the two is love? I have no idea, and so right now I can't really say. But I am intrigued. And I'm desperate to find out. You've always been the greatest mystery that I have ever come across and a chance to explore who you are to me is an opportunity that I can never see myself letting go of. I don't even know how you feel about me, but that doesn't matter right now. all that matters is that at this moment, I can not honestly look Ran in the eyes and tell her that I will never fall for you."

For a moment, I convince myself that I have yet to wake up, but his unmistakably vigilant stare proves me wrong. No words escape my mouth. No air escapes my lungs. For a moment, I sit there without a sign of life desperately running through our conversation. Should be happy or angry? Do I try and follow my heart or push him back to where we all believed he belonged? in the end I don't manage to say anything. Instead opting to stand and slowly make my way back to my bedroom. The sleep long forgotten, the coffee long abandoned and our conversation itched forever into me.

"Hey what about the ball tomorrow?" he asks again. I look back at him with the blankest look upon my face.

"I guess I'm going solo…" I hear him mumble.

I slam the door shut behind me and race for the embrace of my warm sheets. Jumping into the bed, I burry my head into my feathery pillows. Despite of my worries and in spite of my doubts, I can't help but smile, smile at the sliver of hope that has presented itself to me. I can't really say that I'm happy, but I'm not exactly sad either. I guess like him, I'm also intrigued by what the future holds for us.

And so I begin to laugh.

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TBC

Reviews and suggestions are welcomed.


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